“Been gone a long time kind of lost my way but I can’t find it.”
Two weeks. Two weeks ago I stopped taking my anti-anxiety medication because I was sure it was making me sick. I was losing weight, feeling exhausted and throwing up every morning. The flip side of that though was that my emotions were in check, I had a clear head and an edge over everything that made me anxious.
Without the pill though I am a rollercoaster of emotions with today’s emotion being feeling absolutely worthless. What I must try to keep in mind is that I had years of sedated emotions and now I am feeling the full brunt of them and I am not used to this feeling. Feeling absolute joy or happiness, caring for people without question, laughing more and more and of course the opposite and darker emotions such as rage, sadness, hate, and depression.
My boyfriend told me though that like everything in life, everything is always in a state of balance and that without the light we wouldn’t have dark and vice versa. I know he is right, I just don’t know how to deal with all these emotions.
Funny thought, growing up I wouldn’t have even taken a pill for a headache and I somehow ended up taking a daily pill to basically sedate everything that made me human and me.