“Been gone a long time kind of lost my way but I can’t find it.”
Two weeks. Two weeks ago I stopped taking my anti-anxiety medication because I was sure it was making me sick. I was losing weight, feeling exhausted and throwing up every morning. The flip side of that though was that my emotions were in check, I had a clear head and an edge over everything that made me anxious.
Without the pill though I am a rollercoaster of emotions with today’s emotion being feeling absolutely worthless. What I must try to keep in mind is that I had years of sedated emotions and now I am feeling the full brunt of them and I am not used to this feeling. Feeling absolute joy or happiness, caring for people without question, laughing more and more and of course the opposite and darker emotions such as rage, sadness, hate, and depression.
My boyfriend told me though that like everything in life, everything is always in a state of balance and that without the light we wouldn’t have dark and vice versa. I know he is right, I just don’t know how to deal with all these emotions.
Funny thought, growing up I wouldn’t have even taken a pill for a headache and I somehow ended up taking a daily pill to basically sedate everything that made me human and me.
The following is something that has happened a couple of weeks ago and I was debating for a while on whether or not I wanted to post it here or not as I’m trying to keep the tumblr lines and my personal blog from crossing too much. This is the story of my coming out.
It’s been a bit since my last post, but that is just because life has gotten the better of me and has sucked away most of my free time. So when I changed my blog theme the other day (I know right, me changing a blog theme, that is crazy talk) I decided to make a post about it.
It’s like a more subdued version of the earlier blog theme I was using but I love the orange being used and the little icons for the post types. It’s very simple and minimalistic and what can I say I just love that type of theme. A trend I have noticed lately is also one I hate and that is “Infinite Scroll.” Unless you disable it, it is the default style that is used and that means no pagination and no footer. Maybe it is a sign of the times but I feel that footers at least still have some use in them. The only other thing I don’t like about it is that on my widescreen monitor the site is left-aligned as opposed to being right smack dab in the middle. Oh well, it’s free I can’t complain too much.
Thank you WordPress for always making impressive (free) themes available to us and for making theme change a snap. :)
Three weeks since my last post, my bad. I always told myself that this blog is my own personal place for venting and just posting when I feel like it, because when it becomes a job that is the opposite of what I want. Today’s Song of the Moment is one that I have enjoyed for years but only recently have I begun really thinking about it in a way that relates to me; anxiety.